Lessons I have learned from Raja, the Kroger kitten

Enjoy life to the fullest.

Race around joyfully at unexpected times and play with imaginary (or real) airborne objects. People will wonder what you’ve been up to. Eat, play, nap and repeat. Include others whenever possible (except when visiting the litterbox). Sunny spots on the floor are warm as are the places recently vacated by others.

Pay attention to the small things in life.
This includes spots on the wall, people’s toes, hair, eyeglasses and strings hanging down from just about anything. Pens, pencils, drinking straws, mascara tubes, jewelry, etc., make wonderful hockey pucks and increase one’s dexterity.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
After each meal, it’s best to wash your face, paws and anywhere else that you can reach – with your tongue. Kitty box etiquette requires that kitties use the box one at a time. Shoving and hissing is not allowed.

Share your toys.
Life is short (all nine of them) so share what you have with others, especially when you’re new in town. Who knows? Maybe others will share their toys with you, too. And, hopefully, their litter box and food. It’s mandatory to share those previously living things that you’ve played with or dismembered (see “support multi-cultural diversity” below).

Be kind to strangers.
Greet everyone you meet with a friendly rub. You may even get a scratch under the chin or on top of your arched back. Don’t use pant legs, longer skirts or shoes as scratching posts, as this is frowned upon.

Support multi-cultural diversity.
Befriend other species, especially if they share your home or personal space. Dogs are just really large cats who like to greet you by smelling your behind. Humans are your staff and, though not as intelligent as you, are much appreciated and necessary. However, spiders and mice are intruders that must be played with until dead or dismembered.

Eat a healthy breakfast.
Fish contains omega- 3 fatty acids and is good for your heart. Milk strengthens your bones. Liver, contrary to popular belief, is quite tasty, especially when it’s followed by the word Pâté. Any of these items on others’ plates taste even better than those in your own bowl so, again, it’s best to share. If you eat something that doesn’t agree with you, simply cough it back up and position it in the middle of the floor where it can be easily located by others.

Exercise is important but look before you leap.
Especially if the toilet seat isn’t down. It’s best to know what you’re getting yourself into. This includes closets that are usually closed, sock drawers, dryers, trash cans and other hazardous places. The higher a place is, the more interesting it is. And, you exercise your glutes and thighs when getting to the top (of whatever). If items are in your way, most can be easily pushed over the edge (of whatever) and they are gone. This includes plants on high ledges, glasses of water, vases and so much more.

Dress in neutral colors, no fuss necessary.
Black, white, gray and brown colors go with anything. If you find an outfit that you like, wear it every day. Why waste time changing your clothes or putting on makeup? Cats don’t do either of these and they get along fine. It is necessary to bathe several times a day (see “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.”