Cookie monster!

I’ve gained three pounds since this year’s Girl Scout Cookie sales began. It’s probably not fair to blame my debauchery on sweet little girls whose only goal is to sell mouth-watering cookies to help fund troop activities, earn badges and defray costs.

Forget dirty bombs and germ warfare. Our overseas enemies could learn a trick or two from the Little Brownie® Bakers. There is something so seductive about a Samoa cookie wrapped in a warm caramel blanket, hugged by chocolate and toasted coconut. My husband and I are convinced that there must be an addictive ingredient in the Thin Mints which intensifies if you freeze them before devouring.

I first bought cookies at work on the premise that I was supporting one of my staff members. She is my main supplier, for sure. There should be a law against cookie sellers who park their dark-colored vans on neighborhood street corners with hand-scrawled “Girl Scout Cookies $old here” signs. Do we not train our young children to avoid such dangers? Yet it’s not uncommon to find three or four cars idling and a line of adults leading up to the side door. What’s next? Little girls in trench coats waiting outside coffee houses who open their coats to display their wares, “Pick a box of cookies, any box of cookies!”

Those little Girl Scouts are not as innocent as they seem. Do you know they have contests to see who can sell the most cookies? This questionable behavior is shared by parents, relatives and co-workers, all bent on ensuring that their little Girl Scout is the top cookie seller in the district, state, nation — okay, world! Is it fair to inflict such peer pressure? It’s not unheard of for parents to take out a second mortgage on their home in order to purchase cookies to ensure a much-deserved win.

Competitive, contact sports have nothing on the Girl Scouts! I’ve seen a line of girls surround a grocery shopper exiting the store and accompany that person across the “neutral zone” to the table piled high with cookies. It takes a well-executed game plan to accomplish such teamwork.

How else do you explain that the size of the Thin Mints decreased in 2009 as has the packaging, yet we still count down the months until we can again taste those delicate, chocolate-covered wafers? And the cost is a hefty $3.50 per box (now $4 in some metropolitan areas).

Never mind that the cost of flour has risen 30 percent, baking oils are up 40-187 percent and cocoa is up 20-30 percent. As a consumer, with the cookie size reduced, it’s even easier to convince yourself that you can eat more of them, since they are less filling. And, what about the expense of buying new clothes because you’ve outgrown your previous outfits due to increased cookie consumption?

As if it’s ever been possible to say “no” to a Girl Scout, the organization is equipping their sales recruits with additional ammo. A recent Wall Street Journal article written by Shelly Banjo, states, “To teach girls confidence and business basics, the nonprofit is holding seminars and so-called cookie colleges to explain to schoolgirls why the changes make business sense.” The article later states that this year, “Individual scouts will be allowed to advertise online.” What’s next – ordering our Tagalongs by texting C-O-O-K-I-E to #75820?