The Easter Promise

What does one write about when one hasn’t written for about a year? Why am I referring to myself as “one”?

There are several options. One is to pick up like nothing has happened in the past year. Pretend that no one reads this blog, no one cares about the past year, and focus on the present.

Somehow that would be doing an injustice to how I got where I am now, on March 24, 2019. So, here is a quick trip through memory lane to get you up to speed.

Husband Joe’s favorite Uncle Ed died and we traveled to his funeral in North Carolina in June. It was sad to see Ed’s wife Julie suffering, and his children hurting. I enjoyed meeting some of Joe’s relatives and we were glad we went.

Joe’s retina detached and he lost his eyesight in his “good” eye mid-July. Twenty plus years ago he had a detached retina in his other eye and has had impaired vision ever since.

Joe also had a bad reaction to the anesthesia during the first of five eye surgeries, and was hospitalized for five days. Frightening and devastating.

Joe had second, third and fourth eye surgeries to get his retina to reattach (for good) to the back of his eye. He also had a bad cataract that was made worse by the surgeries. Meanwhile, no good vision. No driving, no reading and impaired TV watching. He had amazing patience!

He had two other hospital stays related to the first bad reaction to anesthesia. The quick version is that by the end of September, he was back on the road to good health but we were still dealing with eye issues and surgeries. Bless his heart – he couldn’t watch TV, read, drive anywhere. I think I would have lost my mind.

At the end of August, my boss, Sister Ann, retired after 17 years and a director of development was hired. A new co-director management model was put in place, with me becoming a co-director of Mission Advancement while remaining director of Marketing and Communications. I was happy for Sister Ann and yet sad that I wouldn’t get to work with her on a daily basis. She was one of the people who God used to initially “move me” literally and figuratively into my present position with the Sisters of Providence. She remains a good friend.

Our eight and a half-year-old dog, Hershey, lost his four-month battle with an autoimmune blood disorder where his white blood cells decided to attack his red blood cells. It was like he had leukemia. He became anemic and I had to fix and feed him beef and chicken liver twice daily for months. The ironic thing is I used to like beef and chicken liver. Not so much anymore. Joe and I cried like babies as the vet put our dear Hershey to sleep.

I became angry at God. I felt very alone and missed my parents something fierce. July through November was one of the hardest times in my life. Watching my husband suffer was heart-breaking. Can you imagine how he felt? Everything I read said that God never promised us an easy time here on Earth. That we were to look toward being with him in Heaven. As Christians, I was supposed to ask God what I should be learning in these situations instead of “why.” Okay, fine. But why?

Joe had cataract surgery in January which has improved his vision somewhat. He can drive short distances, feels more independent, and can watch or listen to some TV. He is now researching Audible books, so he can continue reading.

It certainly has been a time of reassessment. Although Joe and I have been through a difficult time, I feel closer to him and more committed to our marriage. Not because he has vision issues but because I was reminded of how important he is to me and our ongoing life together.

So, on the bright side, Joe and I are foster-fail parents of a butterscotch-colored girl dog named Emma. She’s not Hershey. And, we’re having to work with her because she came from a hoarding situation where she was not socialized and probably abused. She has toy hoarding issues and thinks that under the bed and the kitchen are “her” areas. To the point where Joe has to hurry up and get his feet on the bed or Emma may just nip his leg or sweatpants. We’ve hired a trainer who is working with us. Please pray for us.

I would say I’m in the mending stages of my faith. It’s not like I’ve had such an easy life and am now experiencing struggles and hardships. I’ve been through trials – my mom was abusive and was never treated for her depression which manifested itself to us kids as anger and inappropriate rage. My dad loved us and tried to buffet us from the storms. He died of emphysema at the age of 65.

I paid my way through college which wasn’t such a big deal but I really wished I had enjoyed learning more. By my senior year, I had three jobs and audited two classes (at the same time as one of my jobs) so I could make my college tuition.

I have been blessed with the places that I’ve worked and have always enjoyed the people I work with. I have friendships that are like jewels to me! Irreplaceable and so precious! So, when I say “mending,” I mean that my heart feels like it was used for target practice. I know God is good and that he wants the best for me. But, sometimes so much happens, and is so hard to bear, that I wonder if I’m as strong as God thinks I am.

So, I begin my writing in 2019 hopeful and with my arms cautiously wide open as I welcome the fruits, and trials of God into my life once again. I understand there can’t be laughter without tears and hurt. There isn’t the sparkling white of stars without the dark of night. Otherwise, would we know the difference?

Here’s to Easter and a renewal of hope in the resurrection that surpasses the natural order of things and the limitations of my own soul.