Simply for the birds

Having moved from a Denver townhome to a small-town Indiana house with almost an acre of land, it was imperative that my husband, Joe, and I have a bird feeder so we could become avid bird watchers. And, what’s a new home without a pigeon poo christening? Bird feeders were also automatic cat entertainment so it seemed like a no-brainer.

I trotted off to Menards, our local hardware emporium, and browsed through the bird feeders only to find cute, country-painted bird feeders shaped like southern plantations, quaint cabins and rustic lighthouses. However, they also would require almost daily filling. I then passed by the ultimate in bird feeders – the triple tube deluxe feeder that holds a bazillion pounds of seed.

Joe installed the pole next to our kitchen window, to allow ample recreation for the kitties, and I had the job of initially filling the feeder. After thoroughly reviewing the instructions and diagrams that accompanied the feeder and several thwarted attempts to fill it, I finally wrestled the top off. However, without the top on, the tubes became unstable. I’d get one tube filled with seed and then another and by the time I got to the third tube, the first two were completely cockeyed. And, after filling them, I then had to keep them in position as I put the top back on, to secure them. At one point the tubes went awry, sending seed everywhere.

I turned back to the instructions only to read in tiny print at the bottom, “Whatever you do, do not remove the top of the feeder or it may become disassembled. Should it become disassembled, it may need to be returned to the factory for reassembly.” Huh?

It was at that point that I called Joe outside and together, we got the tubes upright and the seed installed. The feeding tubes may appear crooked to the naked eye but the birds don’t seem to mind. After all, tree limbs aren’t exactly the model of straightness.

Who knew that birds weren’t the only ones who liked to eat bird seed? Squirrels and raccoons weren’t thwarted by the off-kilter seed tubes and they quickly learned how to climb the pole and eat their fill, spilling treats onto the ground for distant relatives and less agile family members. After watching one of the squirrels scale the pole in less than five seconds flat, Joe got a bright idea. Why not add a generous coating of petroleum jelly to the pole to make it slick and unscalable? This method was only effective in giving the squirrels traction to reach the seed tray more quickly, although we received dirty squirrel looks when they realized that bird seed was now stuck to their paws (yum, treats for later.)

I hadn’t really lived until I’d seen a raccoon hanging upside down, with his hind legs holding on to the top of the bird feeder, and his front paws free to reach into the holes and retrieve the seeds. Joe’s second idea was a success. He removed the outer curved dome top off of the feeder and inverted it so it covered the pole, blocking the varmint’s path to the seed tray. Now the squirrels and raccoons just knock at the front door when they want food, which seems a bit more polite anyhow.