Blogging from A to Z: Hershey, an apology

Hershey, age 2 months, during his formative years.

Note: Hershey is our 2-year-old Australian cattle dog/labrador retriever mix dog. Joe and I are first-time dog owners and we thought it was necessary in our puppy’s development for him to learn the importance of an earnest apology. Here, printed in its entirety, is his letter to Dish Network. Yes, he dictated it to me and I typed it, otherwise the company would not have been able to read his paw-writing. He insisted on us using a younger photo of him although he now weighs in at 51 pure-muscle pounds.

Dear spare parts coordinator:

My name is Hershey and I am 2 years old. My mom and dad need you to send another remote control for their TV/DVR box, as the latest one that you sent a month ago doesn’t work. Somehow, and I’m not sure of the details, the battery cover has been removed and, due to its new shape, it doesn’t fit on the remote anymore. Also, the numbers three, five and seven do not work, as the rubber has been removed. The menu button turns the TV off now, which is a little inconvenient. I suspect our four cats had something to do with the former, but they aren’t talking.

You said something to my dad the last time he called about a limit of 50 replacement remotes per customer. Would you please make an exception and send us one more? Without the remote, we can’t reach the higher channels and I hate missing Animal Planet. My parents are also at a loss without the Dog Training Channel.

Do you also carry phone antenna? Apparently my parents’ home phone doesn’t work well, either, since the antenna is now just a thin, sharp wire sticking out of the handset. I honestly thought that the plastic casing was hindering the signal or I wouldn’t have removed it.

Do you offer bulk shipping with The Shopping Channel? I ask only because I’ve had to order a new down comforter and duvet cover from them and was wondering if we could combine shipping? The old comforter has lost a lot of stuffing from the air conditioned holes that I created while searching for the trapped birds among the baffled 600-count cotton construction. You could say it’s “down” for the count. (My mom hates when I use puns).

QVC also had a great deal on men’s and women’s socks so I ordered a few new pair since I inadvertently ate a few while searching for the remote. Mom said she could get her underpants at Walmart; they were cheaper, especially if she was going to go through them at such a high rate. And, Mom’s been able to darn Dad’s sweatpants with thread that is pretty close to the original color. Lastly, if company comes over, Mom just throws an afghan over the clear packing tape covering the holes in the leather sofa cushions. If it didn’t make a crackling sound, you wouldn’t be any the wiser.

It’s time for dinner so I have to go. I wonder what we’re having …

Sincerely,

Hershey Weidenbenner